Thursday, November 29, 2012

Smoke

The letters on the sheet of paper in my typewriter wavered, then merged together to form a conga line dancing gaily across the page. Nervously I fondled the flip-top of my flat rectangular box of Benson and Hedges cigarettes, willing the dancers to behave. Finally I gave up, and flipped the box open, glancing down at the perfect double row of a full box of white-filtered smokes.  

Bringing my gaze back to the typewriter, I absent-mindedly selected one of the cigarettes and pulled it out of the pack, tapping it lightly on the inside of my left wrist and placing it between my lips.  Instantly a flame appeared in front of me, and I cupped my right hand around it, leaning in for the light. The flame and the hand holding it belonged, of course, to Roger. I didn't quite smile as I looked up into the dark glasses he always wore. 

"How are you?" he asked as he flicked the gold lighter closed. 

"Fine," I said, "although I could have done with one less Russian."  

His laugh was low and insinuating as he walked back to his desk. After a moment I heard his purr as he connected to his next prospect on the phone. 

Back at the typewriter, my eyes finally cleared. The nicotine had settled me down. I resumed typing Joe's correspondence, which he spoke into a Dictaphone machine and I typed while playing it back.

Dear Mr. Blakely: In response to your letter of 27 September, blah…blah…blah. 

Don't get me wrong, I liked Joe. As secretary to the Sales Department at Honeywell, Inc, in their Minneapolis headquarters, I was the envy of most of the girls who were secretaries and file clerks and copy girls in other departments around me. The pay was good, well over $400 a month, and the seven salesmen I worked for were movers and shakers in the company. Joe was the boss, the Sales Manager, and he was decent – easy-going, calm, fatherly to a young girl in her first serious job. It's just that his correspondence was…well, so deadly boring. So predictable, I could have written it myself. And sometimes I did, changing a phrase here and there to make a letter read better. Joe never mentioned it, so I guess he didn't notice. He just signed the letters and I sent them out. 

Speaking of predictable, there was Roger, although you couldn't say he was boring. Roger was like a dog on a scent, with his expensive-looking slightly shiny suits (silk, some of the other girls said), his black hair slicked back from his forehead, and his ever-present dark glasses. Married, of course, he mumbled when he spoke so you had to lean in to hear. Probably he thought it was seductive. Well, it was. The thing about Roger was that he was both seductive and at the same time somehow repulsive – a combination I had a hard time resisting. I suspected he was sloshed most of the time, even in the morning. He was after me, that was for sure. He hung around my desk when he was in the office. He took me out to lunch, sometimes alone and sometimes with the other guys. I couldn't imagine why. Maybe his wife wasn't any fun. 

It had all started a month or so ago. 

"How about Charlie's for lunch?" Ken, one of the salesmen, said to Nels. 

"Sure, sounds good. Bert, Roger, how about you?" 

Bert looked up from his desk. "I have to finish this bid – it'll only be a few minutes." 

"Let's bring our new secretary out to Charlie's," Roger mumbled, standing up and putting his perfectly tailored jacket on over his immaculate white shirt. "I'll bet she's never been to Charlie's. Right, Dana?" He looked over at me with a grin. I shook my head no. Charlie's was a really expensive restaurant downtown where business people went for lunch. Of course I hadn't been there, I was only 19. The other men smiled knowingly, and nodded at Roger. 

"Sure, let's take Dana to Charlie's. Bert, put that thing down. It's lunchtime. It'll be there when you get back and Dana can't type it anyway. She's going to lunch with us." 

On the way out, Roger stopped at the door of Joe's office. "Joe, we're takin' Dana to Charlie's. D'you wanna come?" 

"No, I'll man the fort here. Have a good lunch." Of course, if Joe went he would have to pay for everybody. He was the boss. I knew that because I processed the expense reports. 

Off we went to Charlie's for steaks and fancy potatoes and Cherries Jubilee and, of course, Martinis and Manhattans and Tom Collinses, not one, but two or three.  

"Dana, what d'you want to drink? A Martini, p'rhaps?" Roger murmured. He was sitting next to me in the round leather booth they called a banquette. 

"I'll have a Black Russian, please," I replied. 

"But, of course," he smiled as he motioned to the waiter. "A double Chivas over, and a Black Russian, if you don't mind." 

"My pleasure, sir."  I was with the men, so no one questioned whether I was old enough to drink.  

Could I have picked a less alcoholic drink? Probably. But I wanted to show how worldly I was, like them. Black Russian was a serious drink, although sweet enough to be feminine. It was a James Bond sort of drink, and that's the way I felt - glamorous, worldly, mysterious, possibly dangerous, eating and drinking lunch with the men. I felt at one with the scene -  the rich aroma of seared filet mignon, the whisper of plates being set down with flair by tuxedoed waiters, a cigarette held casually but elegantly in my right hand, and the strong sweet taste of vodka and Kahlua punctuated by one perfect hazelnut.  

Soon I became a regular at office lunches, and these were my trademarks. I drank Black Russians and smoked Benson and Hedges cigarettes, flip-top box. 

"Are you busy this weekend?" Roger stood by my desk, a casual smile on his face. Of course his eyes were impossible to read behind the dark glasses. It was 2 p.m. on a Friday and he was on his way out of the office for the weekend. 

"Um, yes, I think so. I have some plans." 

"Oh, too bad. I was hoping we could meet for drinks, maybe stop by the house. You've never seen my house, right?" He paused and his dark glasses looked intently in my direction. I didn't say anything. "So, here's my phone number." He handed me a yellow While You Were Out message slip with a number written on it. "Call me if you find you have any time." 

I took the slip of paper, trying not to touch his fingers, and put it on my desk. The only coherent thought in my mind was the realization that he wasn't mumbling for a change. What did he mean "call me"? Did he mean "at home"? What about his wife?  

"Thanks. OK, maybe I will. I think I'll be busy though." I couldn't think of what else to say so I turned back to my typewriter. Roger picked up his leather briefcase and raised his hand in a mock salute as he went out the door. My mind was in a whirl, and I lit another cigarette to get my bearings. Soon my fingers were flying again over the typewriter keys. I refused to think about Roger. 

When I wasn't at work, my girlfriend Cathi and I liked to bar hop. We had fake IDs, like everyone we knew who wasn't yet 21, the legal drinking age in Minnesota. No one looked at them closely, unless of course you were so young you looked like a baby.

We loved the restaurants that had good bars and weren't too expensive, like Michaels. There might be a pianist playing "The Shadow of Your Smile," one of my favorites, a slow, sad, swinging song that fit my melancholy mood. 

At these bars we drank ice cream drinks and this night the pianist at Michaels was in rare form, already coloring the air with the sad songs I loved. 

"I'll have a brandy Alexander."

"Are you 21, sweetheart?"

"Sure. Want to see my ID?"

"No, that's OK. One brandy Alexander coming right up."

"What are you going to have, Cath?"

"I'll have one of those crème de menthe things….oh yeah, a grasshopper."

"Yes, ma'am. Are you girls local? I think I've seen you in here before."

"Yup, we're from right here. At least for now."
 

Soon we had frothy sweet drinks to go with our sweet selves. 

Cath and I both took out our packs, I my flat box of Benson and Hedges, and Cath her soft pack of Menthol Kools. The bartender raced over with a light. 

I hadn't mentioned anything about Roger's weekend invitation to Cath, and I didn't feel like bringing it up now. It was on my mind, though, seductive curiosity and revulsion side by side. I sat back with a sigh, blowing smoke rings high into the dimly lit air of the bar. Men. What was with them? Roger was obviously a guy on the make, a scalp collector. Maybe they all were. I had no respect for them. I could use them as easily as they could use me.  

Wasn't I supposed to be finding a husband? I couldn't imagine how it would work out. 

"Cath, I'm going to the ladies,"

"OK Dan. I'll be here." 

I passed the pay phone on my way into the ladies. On the way out I stopped in front of it and fumbled for a moment in my purse. My mother's voice came into my mind: "A lady never fumbles in her purse." I smiled to myself. Well, I'm no lady, Mom. I came up with a yellow slip of paper and a number. And a dime. 

A phone rang at the other end of the line, then it stopped.

"Yeah."

"Hello. Roger? Yes," I laughed softly. "It's me." 

In the lounge, the pianist started up again, the slow sad strains of "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" filtering in through the door to where I stood with the phone in my hand.

 

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